If you are an introvert reading this, you already know what I am talking about; and if you are an extrovert or ambivert, you still know what I am talking about as more than likely, you may have dealt with a friend or relative who seems to be not really getting into the groove of the gathering and sitting (mostly somewhere in the corner) and making you feel guilty for having fun just by their glances (and often stares)*. What people don’t seem to realize is that it has nothing to do with what other people are doing, and everything to do with how we are not able to find our sweet spot in any gathering of more than 2 people (yes 2 people are still a gathering for us). And here’s why:
- Introverts keep having a mental conversation: As we all know, one of the best ways people find their place in any setting is by keeping up with the conversation in the room. This is where introverts keep getting interrupted by their own thoughts and mental dialogues, which they keep having with themselves. They really don’t feel like adding to a conversation unless there is a value addition by them, but even when they really have something to add, by the time they realize that they wish to speak, the conversation moves on to other topics and they again lose interest.
- We belong elsewhere: it is difficult to feel in place anywhere when you already have your own place elsewhere. Isn’t it? Introverts usually have their personal haven, usually in their own homes in a cozy corner, which is usually the only place we feel we belong. Everywhere else, is just a temporary visit, from where we need to rush back.
- It is an extroverted world after all: well if you find yourself in a gathering voluntarily organized by someone and voluntarily attended by people, the chances are it is organized and attended mostly by extroverts. If you are among a bunch of people who are heartily talking and conversing about what they did their past weekend and making plans with each other about the next, you are sitting amongst extroverts (or some introverts pretending to be extroverts). So it is only natural to feel out of place amongst people who are inherently your personality-wise polar opposite. I mean does a deer feel at home amongst a hear of lions?
- We either don’t want to belong or are simply incapable of pretending: Another reason we feel we don’t belong is that we don’t make efforts to do so (yes, I am talking about the introverts who have gone through the internal grind of really becoming comfortable with who they are), and for the new bees who have recently discovered they are introverts, usually feel out of place because they see everyone else either owing to the place or pretending to do so; which we just cannot bring ourselves to do.
* Not sure of your type: Try out this test -> https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test